Do not be a dick on social media over Christmas, here are the rules…..
Christmas will never be the same.
Not since the dawn of Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, and wifi.
Never again will we have an entirely tech-free festive day in with the family.
The kids will be Snapchatting the entire experience. Your mum will inevitably share a misspelled festive quote over a totally irrelevant picture of a sunset on Christmas day. Your grandparents will sit, confused and fed up, as you scroll through people’s live-tweets of their Christmas dinner.
It’s not a bad thing, necessarily. Social media can be quite nice over Christmas, especially when there’s so much Instagrammable food and decoration about.
But if you’re planning to have a very social Christmas, you need to follow these rules.
1. No daily Christmas countdown
If you’re wishing everyone a Christmas eve eve eve, you need to calm down. Everyone knows what day it is.
The ‘one week ’til Christmas!’ tweet is helpful, sure, but not one person on your timeline is grateful for your ‘wow, only 22 days until Christmas!’ announcement.
Don’t you DARE take credit for something your mum spent hours over, even if it’s a lie by omission.
3. Only one picture of your tree per festive season
One picture on all social platforms. Don’t try to be sneaky.
Sure, we like seeing a few trees on our feed to get us feeling festive. But do we need to see your crap bauble choices from five different angles? No. No, we do not.
4. Don’t share other people’s presents on the internet before giving them to their intended recipients
I mean, duh. Surprise ruiner.
5. Maybe don’t take a picture of your Christmas dinner once it’s plated up
For one thing, stopping the pre-dinner cracker pulling to take the perfect bird’s eye shot is rude. Secondly, turkey and gravy have never looked good in a dimly lit filtered photo, ever.
6. Please, please, please calm down on the couple-y stuff
Yes, your matching Christmas jumpers are adorable. Oh, you’re wearing matching socks in front of the fireplace, too. Cute. Your Winter Wonderland date looks lovely, thank you.
A couple of romantic posts are acceptable.
But spare a thought for all the single people currently fending off elderly relatives asking them what happened to that ‘nice boy’ they used to date.
7. No Santa spoilers
Come on dude, don’t be a Grinch.
8. But also, no ranty statuses complaining about Santa spoilers
If you’re giving your kids total access to the internet, they’re going to see something they shouldn’t.
9. Please don’t do a ‘Christmas present haul’ unless you are a genuinely famous Youtuber whose fans are BEGGING to see what you were given
Even then, maybe don’t? It feels like quite possibly the most braggy thing in the world.
10. Never, ever caption a picture of a present with ‘the boy did good’ or ‘bae knows me well’
Unless you want everyone to throw up all those mince pies?
11. Rethink live-tweeting your Christmas dinner
Unless you are genuinely hilarious (and have been told so by multiple people other than your mum) and will offer some genuinely witty write-ups of the awkwardness, your followers do not need a minute-by-minute recap of your uncle Geoffrey accidentally spilling some gravy on his snowman tie.
12. Calm down on the Snapchatting
Nothing is more annoying for your family and friends than turning around to see you holding up your phone to record their every waking moment.
It’s creepy, and weird, and everyone resents you.
10 slightly irritating posts you see on Facebook at Christmas
If you’re completely addicted, do one video of a family member opening their most special present (and ask their permission before posting, you creep), one snap of all the gifts under the tree, and possibly one video of some custard being poured over the Christmas pudding.
If your Snapchat story is 126 seconds long, you need to put down the phone and take a long hard look at your life choices.
It’s Christmas. Enjoy it first hand, not through a screen.
13. There’s an official ban on all fitness-related posts on Christmas day, FYI
Christmas is a time for overeating. Not your stupid #clean version of Christmas dinner, or a brussels sprouts smoothie.
No shots of your trainers as you go for a run on Boxing Day, either. You’re just making the rest of us feel rubbish.
14. The Elf on the Shelf can be cute, but don’t get carried away
We don’t need a different elf pose every day of December, and your ‘quirky’ elf posing next to alcohol is a blatant attempt to go viral.
15. Don’t complain about what you didn’t get on Twitter and Facebook
You’re showing yourself up as a spoiled brat. The internet will respond by mercilessly taking the piss.
16. But if you did get your dream present, we still wouldn’t recommend sharing it online
Why? Because it’s not even a humblebrag. It’s just a straight up brag.
Share a really thoughtful gift with emotional backstory if you absolutely have to. But taking a picture of your brand new laptop is just showing off.
17. You don’t need to do public ‘thank you’ posts
Thanking your grandparents for your lovely new socks is sweet. But they don’t have Facebook, so they’re not going to see it. And even if they do, you can just thank them in person or on the phone.
It’s just a very thinly veiled way to yell ‘LOOK AT ALL MY COOL THINGS’ at all your friends, let’s be honest.
18. Don’t try to be the edgy guy bashing Christmas on Twitter
Yes, it’s all commercialised and that’s rubbish etc, etc.
But today’s not the time, dude. Everyone’s just trying to keep things festive, and no one thinks you’re cool for being all ‘I hate Christmas’.
19. Delete all #blessed tags from your posts
20. Try to remember that everyone else is doing Christmas posts, too
So unless your mince pie is really special, it might not be worth adding it to the massive pile of mince pie photos currently spamming your friends’ feed.
21. All #OOTDs should be comfy and Christmas themed
Don’t you dare post some sparkly outfit with heels. It’s pyjama day.
22. Make sure you don’t bitch about your family online
Yes, they’re incredibly annoying.
But everyone’s dealing with it, and if you go online to whinge about how your aunt makes you want to throw a pile of roast potatoes directly into her face, they’ll somehow end up seeing it and you’ll have to spend 2016 making it up to them.
And even if they don’t see it, it’s still a dick move. Be nice.
23. And just remember, the true spirit of Christmas is definitely not social media
Hopefully you’ll be spending your Christmas surrounded by people you love.
But if not, it’s probably better to give those people a phone call or a text rather than taking all your Christmas comments to Twitter and Facebook.
Share your joy, sure. But don’t forget to actually enjoy the moments when you’re capturing all of them to post online.